Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
