I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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