apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
