I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
