Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
