I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
