found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
