so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
