It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
