you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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