yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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