Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
