I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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