Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
