I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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