butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
