Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
