You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We are two peas in an std pod
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
