it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
