My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
