tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Please, let me fuck your mom
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
