This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
