I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
