I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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