Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
