as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
