You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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