all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
