the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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