Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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