just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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