I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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