so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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