Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
