I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Randomize
