I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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