I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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