Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
