she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
