I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
