just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
