Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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