um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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