I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
