Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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