everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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