So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
