If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
