we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
