you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
