Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
