i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
