no you cant smoke seaweed
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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