so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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