speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
